Thursday, October 4, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
second, my emotional life flat-lined for a bit last week and i am only now almost put back together. i had a traumatic experience and i responded in a manner that was foreign to myself. i was lashing out for no reason, crying for no reason, having nightmares, feeling absolutely unmotivated, and passionless. not having my phone is probably the only thing keeping me from going back to normal. when you don't have things to distract you, you do a lot of thinking. my mind just races lately and i can't sleep like i normally do. i am so out of whack and it's really frustrating. my "traumatic experience" hit me hard. i am someone who is always in control, and for my control to be completely ripped from my hands... absolutely terrifying. i just want to go back to normal and make my new life for myself already. i pray things get better.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
saw this and it made me sad.(I don’t think I could get the guy I sort-of-don’t-want-to-have-a-crush-on-but-I-kinda-do, to like me even if I tried.) i just don't want to feel like that. how depressing. so i need to distract myself more with things that are actually fun. studying does not work! i am being ridiculous i really need to stop now.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
people all have motives behind their endeavors and they all want to see how much they can bend you before you break. usually they just want to bend you and don't want the breaking at all. it's all a balance to see what one can get away with without loosing too much. the last couple of days i have realized if i just hold my ground, i end up getting more than expected. showing people that you literally don't give a shit can work in your advantage. people can try and manipulate me and take advantage of me, but if i say no to whatever they are offering or wanting, the answer is no. there is no negotiating because i am not desperate for ANYTHING. this means that since there is absolutely no negotiating there are two ways that any given situation can go. recently, i have realized that if i say no, there is no negotiating, "okay thanks byeeee...." they break. they try and get me to bend, but that just doesn't work like that. i have this new thing called a back bone and my attitude goes great with it on any given day. after the given scenario above happens, the other person is the one who needs to alter their approach, not me. like when i sold my iphone! hahah i lied and said there were a lot of people interested and ready to buy, (actually there were but you never know if those people are actually going to pull through) and that if he didn't want it then awesome! in like 5 seconds he bought it.
yes this doesn't work for everything and my little life experiences are quite trivial, however it's all just practice for when i am in the big leagues. people are just people, they shouldn't scare you.